When today’s parents of teens were teenagers, the biggest risks to their health were binge drinking, driving while drunk, drugs, smoking, and teenage pregnancy. Their children are facing an entirely different set of dangers – a crisis of mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.

Mental health crises are often “uncharted territory” for both teens and their parents. In a recent New York Times article, experts in teen mental health were asked for advice on how parents can best navigate mental health struggles in their children. The article provides answers to a number of frequently-asked questions, including the following:

What are the signs of an adolescent struggling with anxiety or depression?

How can you tell the difference between general teenage angst and the signs of a teen suffering from anxiety or depression? Look for changes in your adolescent’s behavior, such as withdrawal from activities he or she once enjoyed, difficulty sleeping, or persistent sadness or hopelessness. UC Berkeley psychology professor Stephen Hinshaw adds that discerning whether or not the issue is clinical is a matter of degree: how persistent are the symptoms, how much do they interfere with thriving or cause “sheer suffering (on her or his part and yours)”?

What’s the best way to start a discussion with an adolescent who may be struggling?

Experts resoundingly agree: “Be clear and direct and don’t shy from hard questions, but also approach these issues with compassion and not blame.” Acknowledge that teens are often afraid to talk to their parents or caregivers about these issues, so it’s important to proceed without judgment, asking open-ended questions. Nicole Nadell, an assistant professor in pediatrics and psychiatry at Mount Sinai, suggests, “Be a patient and active listener at first, reflect back to the teen what they are saying, thinking and feeling.”

Dr. Hinshaw expressed that while they may not admit it, “a good number” of teenagers “are practically begging you — without telling you so directly — to stay concerned and loving and to keep open a dialogue.”

I am concerned that a loved one is cutting or self-harming. What can I do?

Self-harm can include a variety of behaviors – cutting, hitting or burning oneself, or other forms of bodily mutilation. Experts explain that while these behaviors appear to outsiders to be pain-inducing, these injuries to the body “are actually intended to redirect or make emotional pain go away.”

Emily Pluhar, a child and adolescent psychologist at Harvard Medical School, explains that non-suicidal self-injury can actually release a natural pain analgesic that provides relief: “It helps people re-regulate and feel calmer.”

Of course, this strategy for short-term relief does not address the underlying issues and can escalate. If you suspect your teen is cutting or self-harming, gently open a discussion, knowing that your child may deny those behaviors out of shame just as they hide their wounds from cutting under sleeves. Call 911 or go directly to the emergency room if you discover any wounds that could put a teenager in imminent danger.

Get professional help. Research also shows that the urge can be put off if the object used is removed from the home. According to Dr. Nadell of Mt. Sinai, feelings can be redirected by “engaging in intense exercise for 20 minutes,” going for a walk, using meditative breathing, or using “ice or cold water on the body to change body temperature.”

What can I do if I or someone I know is feeling suicidal?

Call 911, go to the emergency room, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 (TALK).

Experts stress that it is not a sign of weakness but of strength to ask for help. Don’t seek what they call “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Suicidal urges pass if they are put off. “It takes help to get through this period of excruciating pain that leads to suicidal ideation,” the article stresses. “Get that help.”

For more questions and answers for parents looking to help their struggling teens, read the full article here.

Richtel, Matt. “How to Help Teens Struggling with Mental Health.” The New York Times, 23 Apr 2022, https://www.nytimes.com/explain/2022/04/23/health/teen-mental-health-faq#whats-the-best-way-to-start-a-discussion-with-an-adolescent-who-may-be-struggling

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