Avoiding Family Fireworks on the 4th of July
With the Supreme Court’s newly-minted decisions to overturn Roe v Wade, strike down gun control laws in New York, and limit the EPA’s power to curb carbon emissions – all in the past week alone – there’s plenty to talk about in the news. Let alone the high price of gas and the bombshell revelations out of the January 6 Select Committee’s congressional hearings that the former president sought to join the armed mob, leading a coup to thwart the peaceful transfer of power. Whew.
According to ABC7 News, as people gather with friends and family this weekend, “Grills won’t be the only things heating up for the Independence Day holiday. Mental health experts anticipate conversations will too.”
The American Psychological Association warns in its “Stress in America” study that high stress levels are leading to interpersonal conflict and problematic behavior. How to ensure family dynamics don’t turn into fireworks of their own on the 4th of July?
“People – like their heads are exploding with stress,” explained Santa Clara University psychology professor Dr. Thomas Plante. “And when you have that, you’ve got frustration that often leads to aggression under stress.”
In light of these realities, mental health experts urge a thoughtful approach to conversations this weekend. “Nobody has all the answers about everything. We have to approach people with a certain degree of humility,” encourages Dr. Plante. “I’d say we have to approach people with the expectation of goodness. We may not agree with them, but they may have something in there that kind of makes sense.”
Dr. Lisa Hill, licensed marriage and family therapist and Courageous Conversations column writer, notes how family relationships became strained and even broke down during the pandemic. She sees family gatherings as “a chance to reestablish familial beliefs and to practice respect for those that don’t reflect our own.” Even healthy debate has an element of connection, as at its core there are “at least two sides wanting the other person to come to their side.”
Clinical psychologist and Cal State East Bay Psychology Professor Dr. Michael Stanton acknowledges that after the isolation wrought by the pandemic, “We’re all getting back on the horse for social communication. Breathe.”
He elaborates, “90% of our communication is nonverbal. It’s not the words we use, but it’s how we talk to someone. See through their eyes, right? See their expressions, their hand movements, their gestures. Being respectful means spending time and giving people your time, listening to what they have to say. So, that’s a great place to start… Just listen.”
Dr. Plante suggests, “If you present something with respect and compassion, for the most part, people can hear it,” adding, “Of course, humor is always a great thing….You can try to be very compassionate, respectful – give people corrective feedback about how they’re coming across or whatever. And that goes a long way.”
Del Castillo, Amanda. “Mental health experts offer advice on how to navigate difficult conversations at July 4th gatherings.” ABC7 News, 30 June 2022, https://abc7news.com/4th-of-july-roe-v-wade-climate-change-supreme-court/12005399/.
Photo by Tessa Rampersad on Unsplash