On social media – when you compare your real day-to-day life with other people’s projected images of perfection and popularity – happiness can be elusive. And if you turn on the news, between COVID, climate change, political polarization, increased bigotry, and systemic racism, sources of happiness can be hard to find. According to a TIME article, one-third of the respondents to the 2022 annual Stress in America survey report that the stress they are experiencing is “overwhelming.”

However, the article’s author Judith Moskowitz, professor of medical social sciences at Northwestern University and director of research at the Northwestern Osher Center for Integrative Health, has an interesting take on the concept of happiness: stop focusing on it.

“Simply ignoring or denying stress, or suppressing your negative emotions and pretending everything is just fine, will not lead to enduring happiness,” she argues. So-called “negative” emotions are actually useful: fear alerts us to danger, and anger can be a motivating force to confronting injustice. Likewise, “overly focusing on pursuing positive emotions like happiness can paradoxically result in less happiness,” as balance is critical. Paying attention is what matters, as “noticing, recognizing, and labeling your emotions—both the negative and the positive—is associated with better physical health and emotional well-being.”

Life can be genuinely difficult, but happiness can coexist even at dark times. “The key to enduring happiness is not to rid your life of negative emotions; instead, the goal is to also experience positive emotions even in the midst of difficulties,” she explains. Her research focuses on improving the quality of life for those who are going through major life stress. What they have found is that practicing skills like “noticing and savoring positive events, mindful awareness, nonjudgment, gratitude, and acts of kindness,” helps people feel happier in the midst of their circumstances.

One woman she works with is using positive emotional tools to not feel crushed by the demands of being a caregiver for a family member with dementia. Reframing is one such tool. “There are days I just want to go and jump in my car and drive and never come back. So I think, ‘OK, I’m grateful for this. I have this, I can do this. I’m resourceful.’”

Another tool is allowing yourself to feel your feelings without being consumed by them. In the past, she says, “I would just be so angry sometimes at my situation. Now I’m able to go, ‘OK, I can be angry for two minutes and then, Done! Not all day long.’”

The author draws inspiration from the abolitionist, feminist, and human-rights crusader Sojourner Truth: “Life is a hard battle anyway. If we laugh and sing a little as we fight the good fight of freedom, it makes it all go easier. I will not allow my life’s light to be determined by the darkness around me.”

While acknowledging life can be a struggle, Moskowitz urges us to find joy in small pleasures. Small acts of kindness or acknowledging things to be grateful for can work wonders. “Intentionally seek out the moments of laughter and song that will allow your life’s light to shine, even when the world seems darkest.”

Read the full article here.

Moskowitz, Judith. “Why Happiness Is Not a Project of Pollyanna-ism.” TIME.com, 5 Jan 2023, https://time.com/6244647/happiness-negative-emotions/.

Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash