Seattle-based clinical psychologist Dr. Rachel Turow is the author of multiple books. Her writing about mental health has been featured in national publications like Psychology Today and Oprah Daily. But for most of her young life, “I felt awkward and lonely and weird,” she shared on a recent podcast episode of “The Happiness Lab,” hosted by Yale University professor Dr. Laurie Santos.

Turow was her own worst critic, she admitted in a CNBC.com article, and feeling bad about herself was a “core aspect” of who she was as a person. Self-criticism is “the smoking of mental health,” she explained, adding, “Like smoking, once it gets going, it sort of takes on a life of its own.”

Turow shared her story, offering a path from self-criticism to self-compassion. Overly criticizing yourself exacerbates anxiety or depression, harms your relationships and damages your self-concept. Studies show that self-compassion, rooted in a growth-mindset, actually boosts your chances of success.

In her training to become a psychologist, Turow picked up a set of daily exercises she uses to treat herself more compassionately. Feel free to give them a try to see if they help you as well.

The simple routine she calls ‘a game changer’

Step 1: Notice what is prompting your self-criticism.

Step 2: Regularly engage in that very activity that causes self-criticism to rise. Take time to process why you’re getting so angry at yourself. Learn to recognize self-critical thoughts in real-time and let them go.

For example, Turow shared that she wanted to learn to meditate, but every time she tried, her mind would wander. At first, she directed angry thoughts at herself – like why could she never follow through with things? – and that anger and self-criticism would snowball.

But as she continued the practice, “over and over and over, like reps at the gym,” she began to recognize self-criticism when it first popped up, rather than after it had escalated, and to exchange those thoughts with ones that were kinder toward herself.

“Gradually, I felt less upset at myself for being distracted, and then that generalized into judging myself less in general,” Turow shared.

Another easy technique to try

Breathe. As you take a deep breath, say something kind to yourself, such as “Inhale, my friend. Exhale, my friend.”

Breathing practices have been shown to reduce stress, especially when you exhale longer than you inhale, which slows your heart rate down.

Measuring your breath draws your attention to your physical body, and away from that cycle of self-criticism in your mind, Turow explained. Besides, she added, “You can’t really beat yourself up in the same second you’re calling yourself your friend.”

Practices like these have “been a real game changer for me,” Turow noted. “It was really remarkable to me that, over the years, my new normal changed so that my default way of relating to myself is kind and encouraging.”

Rachel Turow’s most recent book is The Self-Talk Workout: Six Science-Backed Strategies to Dissolve Self-Criticism and Transform the Voice in Your Head.

Read the full article here.

Piñon, Natasha. “Psychologist shares the ‘daily mental workout’ she uses to crush her inner critic: ‘It’s been a real game changer.’” CNBC.com, 13 Feb 2023. https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/13/psychologist-rachel-turow-daily-mental-workout-to-crush-inner-critic.html.