Okay, ‘fess up: how many hours a day are you on your phone? For lots of people, the only honest answer is “far too many.”

It’s no secret that many of us – teens and adults alike – are glued to our phones, and we’ll spend a significant portion of our lives staring at screens. In an article for The Washington Post, psychologist Tracy Dennis-Tiwary offers advice on getting our digital lives in balance, urging us to first “identify when being on screens is making your life worse” and to “consider the goals screens are serving.”

Dennis-Tiwary shares that in her work as a psychologist, she’s seen people whose unhealthy attachment to their devices causes them to miss out on satisfying relationships and experience more emotional distress. Evidence shows that teen girls in particular are especially vulnerable to social media harm. As an antidote, experts suggest a digital detox of sorts, ditching screens, eliminating dangerous misinformation, or opting out altogether.

Dennis-Tiwary argues that while reducing time spent on devices is an important first step, much like dieting, gaining true control over unhealthy habits involves taking proactive, positive measures rather than merely learning what not to do. Using a food analogy, she offers four steps “to achieve balance in your and your family’s digital life.”

1 Determine your problem times

Ask yourself: at what times is being on screens making your life worse? For some of us, scrolling through social media at bedtime leaves us both depressed and sleep deprived. Or maybe you’re watching YouTube videos or doing online shopping when you should be working. “In other words, you’re consuming digital media like doughnuts – you can’t stop at one, and eating five in a row is making you feel sick,” she explains. Identify your top few online situations that are problematic for you.

2 Identify your true craving

Once you’re aware of the behaviors that are causing you pain, ask yourself: “What is screen time replacing and what goals is it serving? In other words, what are you actually hungry for?” Are you scrolling endlessly to get your mind off a stressful situation? Are you longing to connect with others and settling for social media instead? Write down what you discover about yourself.

3 Try a substitute

Ask yourself how you could meet those needs another way. Be sure to choose a substitute that truly makes you feel good. Substituting salt and vinegar chips with broccoli is unlikely to lead to lasting change, unless, of course, you love broccoli. If you’re longing for social connection, make in-person plans with someone you like. If you long to be inspired, spend time doing whatever it is that uplifts you. If you’re simply bored, use boredom as an excuse to take a walk or exercise. In time, these replacement activities will feel much more fulfilling than the digital crutch you were using, she says.

4 Other ways to change screentime habits

• Make a plan to replace screen time. Planning healthy meals or snacks ahead of time can eliminate the urge to grab junk food when we’re hungry. Similarly, making plans to hang out with others keeps us from sliding into digital bad habits. Keeping commitments to others helps us keep commitments to ourselves.
• Try variety. When choosing alternative activities, pick a few different interesting options. Give them a try. See what works for you.
• Identify screen-free times and stick to those boundaries. Select screen-free times for your family, such as meal times, group outings, etc., and more importantly, keep them.
• Know yourself and the kinds of triggers that cause you to relapse. If you’re so used to checking email before sleep that merely having your phone in your bedroom dooms you to failure, “let your device sleep in the kitchen,” she urges.

While there’s a place for a digital detox, by concentrating on developing a healthy relationship with the screens in your life, she argues, you empower yourself and gain greater life satisfaction in the bargain.

Read Dennis-Tiwary’s full advice column here.

Dennis-Tiwary, Tracy. “How to improve your relationship with your phone.” The Washington Post, 2 Mar 2023, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/03/02/screen-addiction-digital-detox-mental-health/.

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