Feelings Are Not Facts
Feelings can get a bad rap. “Don’t be so emotional,” you’ll hear people say. But award-winning psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., LMFT believes they are a good thing.
Feelings are largely responsible for our motivation, he explains in a Psychology Today article. They can provide the driving force in helping us achieve a goal. They give us energy to act. They inspire us, enabling us to take in beauty in the world around us. Feelings are a valuable part of life. However, Goldsmith cautions, it is important to understand that emotions are not always telling us the truth.
“Upon occasion, every now and then, some people get a feeling that isn’t real. They may think that it’s real, it may feel very real, and they may truly believe it’s real, but it’s just a feeling,” Goldsmith cautions. It is crucial to remember that, “as important as emotions are, feelings aren’t facts.”
Emotional responses can be triggered by any number of things: events from our past, fears about the future, even lies we’ve believed about ourselves or have been told by others. Emotions can be extremely strong, and based on those feelings, we can jump to conclusions that may not be justified whatsoever.
Feelings can arise from misunderstandings. Just because someone walks by you without acknowledging you does not mean they do not like you or are angry at you. It is possible they did not see you, they were rushed or preoccupied, or otherwise having a bad day.
“There is no end to the amount of feeling (both positive and negative) that flows through our lives on a daily basis,” Goldsmith explains. “The trick is to learn how to differentiate between feelings that are born out of our imagination and those that are real and verifiable.”
If you are having a feeling that causes you distress, the best thing to do is to check it out, he urges. Pay attention. “Don’t sit on it, push it down, or try to ignore it; your emotions won’t cooperate.” Instead, examine those feelings and question how you might be creating them. Gently question the person or people you feel might be the cause, but not in an accusatory way. “Look for truth and be open to see how it’s possible that your feelings may not be accurate.” You might even solicit an outside perspective from someone you trust to see if your perception is based in reality.
Feelings are like signposts; they can alert us to something. But they are not determinative. We’re not at their mercy. We get to examine them for accuracy, then choose for ourselves what we believe about who we are and how we will decide to act.
Read the full article here.
Goldsmith, Barton. “Feelings Aren’t Facts: Sometimes our emotions are difficult to understand and trust.” Psychology Today, 16 Oct 2013, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201310/feelings-aren-t-facts.