How Gun Violence Is Changing Parenting
Parents have always sought to protect their kids. Seat belts. Bike helmets. Using the crosswalk. As car accidents used to be the greatest killer of kids in America, these were the tools parents used to keep them safe. They are now making way for bulletproof backpacks and QuikClot packages to stop blood loss.
In 2020 and 2021, guns killed more children than car accidents, the leading cause of death for children 5-14. Since the Columbine High School massacre in 1999, over 348,000 students have experienced gun violence at school. As a devastatingly poignant Washington Post article notes, parents today “don’t know if their child might go to first grade and lose their life to a semiautomatic weapon of war.”
The Washington Post asked parents how gun violence is changing the way they parent, and what they are doing in response. Here are some of their replies:
I am now constantly scared. I don’t want to be in big crowds. We bought our youngest an iPhone at age 11 because I am so concerned about her ability to contact us if anything ever happened at her school or if she is out and possibly separated from us. We have talked about where the exits are in their schools, what they do if there is ever a shooting and told them to not be heroes. I hate saying that, but I can’t live without my kids. The Uvalde shooting was less than two hours away. I have Life360 on their phones; we have discussed if they are in an active-shooter situation, they are to text me “911.” I can locate their phones and get help to them. I tell them to put their phone on “do not disturb,” and I will not call, but text.
We have game plans for different types of situations depending on the incident. I have first-aid kits with QuikClotpackages and a way to stop blood loss packed in their backpacks. I am now looking into backpacks’ bulletproof shields. I HATE that I’m trying to do everything to keep them safe. I have anxiety, I have nightmares. I live in Texas, so it is even worse. Going to the movies, going to the mall, a concert, parade — really just about anywhere is no longer safe.
I am volunteering to remove [Republican Gov. Greg] Abbott and other elected officials. I am at school board meetings arguing for safety. I don’t know what else to do other than move and become a hermit. My daughter told me that she has a spot in her classes that she finds right away. That she can make herself very small to keep herself safe. I am just done. — a parent from Austin, Texas
Our daughter was shot and wounded at her high school in 2019. [S]he was shot in the lower abdomen. She was shot by a kid she never met, who brought his dad’s .45-caliber ghost gun to school.
It’s something that I relive consistently. I was recently waiting to pick Mia up from choir practice and an ambulance was turning down the street. Your heart starts to pound, you look at people who walk down the street with a duffel bag. You’re on high alert. It really just changes the way you do things in everyday life.
Mia [now 18 years old] has some great days where I think there’s that little glimmer of “before,” but we’ve seen the innocence drain from her. Especially because friends weren’t as lucky as us and lost their lives.
Mia will soon be going to college. …Before this happened, I worried about Mia’s future. I worried about if she’s going to be happy, if she’s going to get a good job and get married and how many grandkids I’m going to have. Now if I think to the future, it’s “Is she going to continue to have pain? … Will she have trouble having kids because of where her scar tissue is?” These are the things that cross my mind now. I guess the way I imagine their futures now has been altered.
It’s about more than just health and happiness. There’s more at stake because of the things she’s lost. — Tiffany Tretta, Santa Clarita, California
Anytime the kids have received a gift that involves shooting, I’m hesitant to allow them to use it, and they also know and say “Momma, we won’t use this, right?” At this point, I’m not interested in having them use anything related to guns. I have Black children. So the first thing is I don’t want them around anything that looks like a gun or thinking about that. The idea that a Black child will be blamed for anything to do with a gun even if they didn’t have anything to do with it is definitely a possibility. How is it something that someone can just go and buy and use? I have a lot of fear around that and what would make a person want to use it. Even if for self-defense. I know people do it, but I just don’t have a comfort level around guns.— Garlia Cornelia Jones, metro New York
I make sure to always say “I love you” when I drop them off at school, just in case. I stay aware of exit paths everywhere I go. I don’t take my children to big outdoor parades or festivals anymore. I’ve had conversations with my children about what to do if they ever see a gun (NEVER touch it and tell a grown-up immediately). Most importantly though, I’ve become active with Moms Demand Action. My children ask me to do everything I can to help end gun violence, and I’m doing my best from my corner of the country. — Patricia Boe, Santa Ana, California
Joyce, Amy, Gibson, Caitlin, and Chang, Elizabeth (Perspective) with Tel, Elise (The Washington Post). “America’s gun violence has changed the way we parent.” The Washington Post, 29 Mar 2023, https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/03/29/america-gun-violence-parenting/.
Photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash