The Upside of Failure
Winning is definitely more fun. Would anyone seriously argue otherwise? Everyone loves doing well. It feels good – and requires less of us emotionally than losing or failing to reach a goal.
But according to psychologist Dr. Jenny Wang, there’s a surprising upside to failure. In an article she wrote for CNBC.com, she shares that in her experience growing up as a Taiwanese-American, “there was no discussion about the benefits of failure. Everything was framed around avoiding it at all costs, and over time it became damaging to my mental health.”
Many of the patients in her psychology practice have similar experiences. “No one invites us to fail as a path to success,” Wang says.
The upside of failure
Renowned psychologists like Carol Dweck and Angela Duckworth have focused much of their work on how we think about failure, especially as it connects to leadership, education and mental health.
Research suggests there are two distinct mindsets we can adopt when thinking about failure:
- A fixed mindset – we believe that we each possess innate skills and talents, and no matter how much effort we exert, we can’t change that potential. Any failure is proof that we are incapable of growth.
- A growth mindset – we believe we each possess unlimited potential to grow and change. According to Wang, “It makes the simple act of trying enough to move things forward. Failure is simply a pitstop where you refuel your journey and redirect your approach.”
How we interpret failure determines whether or not we persevere and keep trying or give in and give up. Our view of failure also impacts whether or not we take risks and seize opportunities or avoid them, lest we make mistakes.
Learning to reframe failure
A key aspect of mental health and success in any goal involves learning to reframe failure. Our thoughts are not facts. Our mindset need not be static. People who find success in what matters to them – and better mental health along the way – learn to recognize a fear-based mindset and work to develop a growth mindset.
There are four steps. Identify a situation where you feel you have failed, and try working through them yourself.
- Face your shame
“Ask yourself how this failure has woven shame stories into your identity. Does it reaffirm a negative belief that you have about yourself?” Wang urges. She suggests sharing your experience with someone safe to see how you feel. Does it free you up to speak your shame out loud to a compassionate listener?
- Reframe the failure
Ask yourself these questions:
- “How might you reframe this failure in light of a growth mindset?”
- “In what ways are you tempted to focus on a fixed mindset for this experience?”
- “Is the fixed mindset helpful in moving you toward your goals?”
- “What is possible if you were to focus on how this failure has helped you?”
- Recognize the beauty of trying
If you break down your goal into small, achievable, concrete steps, do you notice a “spark,” something that can fuel you – whether curiosity, interest or excitement – other than fear of failure? Name the spark.
What kind of energy motivates you to take action?
When you took your first small step, one tangible action, what happened? What feedback did you receive? Embrace it as a gift rather than as a measure of your value or a critique of your worth.
- Repeat
Whenever you need to process a setback, repeat this process. It gets easier each time we try it. Failure can actually be a tool to help you grow and to realize you have in within yourself to keep pushing against obstacles you face.
Dr. Jenny Wang is the author of Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans as well as the founder of the Instagram community @asiansformentalhealth, where she discusses the unique experiences of Asian diaspora and immigrant communities.
Read the full article here.
Wang, Jenny. “A psychologist says the most successful people ‘reframe failure’ by doing 4 things.” CNBC.com, 18 May 2022, https://www.cnbc.com/2022/05/18/a-psychologist-says-the-most-successful-people-reframe-failure-by-doing-4-things.html.
Photo by the blowup on Unsplash