What College Admissions Are Doing to Young People’s Well-Being
When William Deresiewicz was teaching English at Yale, he was struck with how many of his high-achieving students – ostensibly some of the best and brightest in the country – seemed to be “sleepwalking” or simply “going through the motions” in class. That observation led him to examine the tradeoffs young people and families make in the rigorous college admissions process.
Through researching how college admissions affects students, he discovered that the endless, exhausting series of hoop jumping that enables high schoolers to get into highly-competitive institutions comes at a cost – robbing young people of meaning, joy and purpose.
In an interview published on Goop, he discusses his research findings “that young people who are taught to chase prestige are overwhelmingly struggling with stress, lack of purpose, and poor mental health—a pattern that often persists throughout their lives.” He published his findings in a book titled Excellent Sheep: The Miseducation of the American Elite and the Way to a Meaningful Life, becoming a parent educator along the way, helping those with wealth and privilege who are tempted to chase status protect their kids’ happiness and wellbeing.
Excerpts from the interview at Goop follow:
How is the college admissions process affecting students?
“Admissions to elite colleges has become, in many cases, the thing that governs the lives of young people…. It shapes the way students’ lives look from as early as junior high school, if not quite a bit earlier. Parents put their kids through this because they think it’s good for their kid. They think it’s going to open up the world for them.”
“The problem is that … in the course of giving your kid a better chance to get into an elite college, it’s all probably also making them miserable, anxious, and stressed. The pressure robs them of much of what is fun and joyful about being a kid and a teenager and also a lot of what’s necessary psychologically and socially for them to develop into happy, healthy adults. They’re missing out on what’s ultimately going to be good not only for them but also for the people around them over the course of their lives.”
How can parents navigate the college admissions process while keeping their kids’ well-being in mind?
“First, parents have to understand that an elite college education is not a golden ticket to success and happiness. The world is full of all kinds of possibilities.”
“Then it’s giving your kid the message that they’re not a failure if they don’t get into Harvard … and that it’s okay if they don’t get perfect grades. And that ethos has to be practiced: It’s not just saying it’s okay if they don’t get perfect grades; it’s also actually being okay with it if they get a grade that’s not perfect. Or being okay with it if they tell you, ‘I don’t care that much about math, so I’m not going to study as hard because I’d rather to play guitar or spend time with my friends or do this other extracurricular activity that’s meaningful to me.’”
“That’s the problem: It’s usually just talk. Kids see through it. Madeline Levine, a psychologist in the Bay Area, has been talking about this for years. She wrote The Price of Privilege, in which she talks about clients—adolescents who come in for therapy and with their parents—where the parents said to their kid, ‘We just want you to do your best. And we just want you to be happy.’ And the kids just roll their eyes because they know that it’s not true—that’s not actually what their parents want.”
“That’s why this is such an intractable problem. Families want to have it both ways. They don’t want the negative effects of this pressure on their kids, but much of the time they’re not willing to grasp the nettle and do what it’s going to take to change their approach. It’s as if they have their fingers crossed behind their back. They want their kid to be happy, but they also want them to get into Harvard, and they think they can do both. Very few kids can do both.”
What does it look for kids to pursue a college education in a way that’s meaningful to them?
“Many parents have come to believe that if your kid doesn’t go to one of like twelve colleges, then life is over. Many kids come to believe this themselves. And in many related ways, our higher education system is deeply screwed up. Most of the students I encountered while I was teaching at Yale were very hardworking, earnest, smart, and high-achieving. But it was like their college experience wasn’t part of them—it was like they were being processed through a machine, or they were on a conveyor belt taking them from station to station. They just wanted to be ‘successful’ in a very abstract way, and they didn’t necessarily know what that meant to them. They didn’t see college as a project of their own, and they would go through their classes for grades—just as they were taught to do in high school—so they could come out the other side with a good track record.”
“What I noticed about the few students who seemed really alive to their education was that they, consciously or not, understood their college education as part of their own project. They were there for a reason, whether they had decided that reason in high school or found it once they got there.”
“…There are all kinds of different schools that fit all kinds of different students. When parents start to think about where their kids might go to college, they need to educate themselves about the full range of these options. There are so many good schools if by ‘good’ we don’t mean ‘ranked in the top ten in US News’ but instead we mean places where young people can thrive, find themselves, and get a meaningful education.”
What about opportunities after college? How do they fit into the picture?
“The question is: Do you want your child to maximize income at the cost of minimizing happiness, or are you going to encourage them to take a chance to live their life—even if it comes at the cost of money or status?”
“There are three professions that correspond with the highest levels of unhappiness, as measured by things like substance abuse, depression, and divorce. Those are lawyers, doctors, and bankers. I recognize there’s a trade-off: Law, medicine, and finance pay a lot of money. They’re highly prestigious occupations. They’re often fields that parents want their children to go into. While there are certainly people who thrive in those jobs, the fields themselves are filled with unhappy people.”
“There are so many good courses of study. Don’t count out liberal arts: Many studies have shown that liberal arts degrees are actually very useful in the job market. They equip you with critical thinking skills, which tend to become more valuable over time. It’s a highly valuable use of an education, and if that’s what your child is passionate about, it might give them a chance to love what they do.
Kids can pursue their passion, whatever that is, and do well in the world. It’s a little crazy that we would think they can’t. That’s what college is supposed to be for: Whether they’re into science or art or the humanities or politics, they can figure out what they love and how they can build that purpose into their lives. That is something that college should and can and does serve, if you let it.”
Read the full interview here.
Photo by The Jopwell Collection on Unsplash